


nailed it

by zeitgeistofnow



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: ALSO I INVITED YOUR BOYFRIEND TOO., COME DO NAILS WITH ME, M/M, Nail Polish, YOU CAN'T WASTE AWAY TO NOTHING, and rita's like NO MISTAH STEEL, juno is sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 15:43:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeitgeistofnow/pseuds/zeitgeistofnow
Summary: rita, juno, and peter paint their nails? idk, i'm too tired for a good summary.





	nailed it

"Mistah Steeeelll!" Rita sang. 

Juno was not in the mood for whatever she was planning. Her last few plans had gone disastrously. Double date with her and Sasha? Sasha had gotten an alert about a crime that happened nearby in the middle of dinner. A plan that Peter had committed. Movie night? The two of them had started sobbing off the bat- the movie had started with the dog being put down, and  _how do you get over that?_ Rita had suggested getting their hair done, forgetting, momentarily, that Juno's hair... well, you can't do anything with Juno's hair. He had tipped the stylist as much as he could afford.

And besides, he was getting over a cold, there was no way he was getting out of bed. Ever. 

"What  _is_ it, Rita?"

'Well, Mistah Steel, I was thinkin', since you're just gettin' that nasty cold, that maybe we could do each other's nails?" Rita peeked around the doorframe. "You know, because you don't have any clients, and we haven't done anything together in ages."

"Rita, no one's going to hire a private eye with red fingernails."

"I beg to  _diffa,_ Mistah Steel. That nice Strong Lady had pretty fingernails."

Juno didn't respond.

"And be _sides,_ I've already invited Mistah Nureyev over, you can't say to to  _him."_

Juno sighed and stood up. "Rita..."

Rita walked in, holding a shoebox. "Mistah Steel, I know you don't want to do this, but you haven't left your office in days. None of us have any idea what you're doin' in here! Sash thinks you've been playing solitaire on your computer, but I told her that you broke it last week tryin' to email a client."

"You brought Sasha into this?"

Rita looked offended. "Sure I did. We were on a date last night, weren't we? You were  _bound_ to come up."

"Rita, I'm  _busy."_

"Busy moping, maybe." Rita opened the shoe box. "Now, we've got a lotta colors, Frannie gives me them every holiday, so whatevah-"

The doorbell rang, and Rita stopped, looking alarmed. "Now, who could that be- oh, I bet it's Mistah Nureyev, And  _just_ on time. I'll go grab him, Mistah Steel. You can stay right here."

Juno coughed. "Rita, can you grab the tissues, too? I ran out."

Rita glanced at Juno's wastebasket, "Uhh... yeah, sure, Mistah Steel," and ran out.

Juno leaned back. He could hear Rita and Peter talking from the other room- Rita hadn't closed the door.

"Now, Mistah Nureyev, you havet' be careful. Mistah Steel's been in there for three days, doin' nothin' but blowin' his nose, and he's as grouchy as you've evah seen him."

Nureyev laughed. His laugh always sounded different, every day. "I don't know about that, Rita. I've seen him rather terrible moods."

Rita shuffled with her nail polish box. "Now, we've got a lotta different colors, and I don't know which ones you'll like, but I think that Mistah Steel will want the clear or the tan colors."

Nureyev nodded. "I can certainly see him making that choice."

The two of them walked back into Juno's office, and Juno because acutely aware of how much of a mess it was. For one, there were tissues  _every_ where. He had started throwing them into the wastebasket, but the trash had filled, and Rita wouldn't let him out of the room for  _any_ reason, no matter if that reason was solving a crime or emptying his wastebasket, and so the ground around the trash can was also covered in tissues in a three-foot radius. His computer was in the far corner of the room, where it had been since it broke last week, and his desk was covered in papers. At least half of said papers were spotted with blood, which Juno had no explanation for. 

Nureyev stopped in the doorway, one eyebrow raised. " _Juno."_

" _Nureyev,"_ Juno mocked. "I've been living in this room for the past few days, it's going to be a mess."

"Come on, Mistah Steel. Your room is too messy to do anythin' but monologue."

"Juno, darling, come on." Nureyev smiled. 

Rita, being Juno's secretary for a few years, knew his weaknesses. Pretty people, sadly, was one of them, and she utilizes it to the full extent.

Juno shoved out his chair and walked out of the room, leaving Peter and Rita behind him. He could almost see Rita shrugging at Nureyev. He sat down on the couch and crossed his arms. "So, how do we do this?"

 

Juno had never been one to paint his nails. He used to with his mom, back before Oldtown, but he hadn't since then. Rita, however, does her's weekly, and Juno has gotten used to the stink. 

Rita happily sets out her nail polishes on the coffee table, chatting to Nureyev. "So, Mistah Nureyev, where've you been? I know you've been gone, because,  _even though_ I locked Mistah Steel in his office, I can practically  _feel_ him pinin'. It wrecks  _havoc_ on my skin."

Nureyev sits down next to Juno, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "I've been visiting some old friends."

Rita places a gold sparkly polish on the table. "Nice! I went to Ikea to look for a new computer for Mistah Steel, because, you know, he broke it, and then I got lost."

Nureyev glances at Juno. "And where was Juno at this point?"

"Oh, he was sick." Rita waves her hand. 

"Never heard of that stopping our dear detective."

Rita looks up. "Oh, it doesn't. I lock him in his office."

Nureyev grins. 

 

"Now, Juno, what color do you want?"

Juno sneezes and wipes his nose. "The clear polish over there looks nice."

Peter squints at him. "Juno," he repeats, "what nail polish would you like?"

"The tan one?"

Rita looks at him strangely. "I ain't got one- o _h yes I do where did that come from?"_

"I bought it for your last birthday." Juno had known this day would come, and he had wanted to be prepared.

"Oh." Rita paused. "Well, okay, Mistah Steel. If you want to use that stuff, I can't stop you."

Peter grabbed another one. Dark purple. "Juno, look at this one! It'll go so much better with that new dress I got you."

Juno frowned. "Nureyev..."

"You can't just do tan. It's a travesty."

"Yeah, Mistah Steel," Rita chimed, "You gotta do a  _nice_ color. Like, see, I'm gon' do this pink."

The pink nail polish physically hurt Juno's eyes. "Rita, why?"

"Because it's pretty, and this office is so  _drab._ Where d'you get this furniture, Mistah Steel?"

"Flea markets, most of it," Juno muttered.

Peter held the purple nail polish in front of Juno's face. "Yes, that'll look great. Here, Juno, give me your hand."

 

Juno sighed. "This does look good with the dress."

Peter, behind Juno, grinned at the mirror. "Of course it does. Come on, darling. Grab your cough medicine."

"I don't need the damn cough medicine."

Peter looked doubtful. "Juno, we're going out to eat. Are you sure-"

"Nureyev."

"Fine, fine." Peter held up his hands. "Come on, detective. Let's go out."

 

Juno regretted not bringing his cough medicine, and they had to come home early.

They watched movies with Rita and ate leftovers instead.

**Author's Note:**

> Rita... i don't know. Her verb is 'chimed'. No other verb fits Rita like the word chimed.


End file.
